Back to reality..

So happily I can report that I survived my 7 week detox, and am now back on a normal diet.  I do feel like we are making progress with my funny ‘episodes’ and they do seem to be abating although I am still very nervous to feel over confident just yet.  It’s a terrifying thing experiencing these episodes all the time…when they don’t happen you live in fear of them coming on again, and whilst they are happening it is very difficult indeed to not panic and think that there is something terribly wrong with you.

I am frankly still terrified that there actually is a deeper-seated problem but I am trying to comfort myself with the following facts:

*The episodes have either gotten *much* milder, or I have just gotten used to them – but when they began they were rather debilitating.  

*The episodes are slowly getting further and further apart.  When they first began (almost) a year ago I was experiencing a few episodes every day…eventually it was down to 1 every few days and now the last 2 that I experienced were 6 & 7 weeks apart respectively.  

*My ‘down’ time between episodes is much more pleasant now than it was before.  I really was totally out of control when it all began and how I held it together I’ll actually never know.  I’m just so very grateful.  

When I think how far I’ve come it really does help to reassure me that I am on the right track and getting better.  It’s been incredibly disheartening having to go through all of this without medical support or assistance but I guess when the symptoms are so difficult to describe it makes it tough on them too.  I am disillusioned though and simply feel as though they were all trying to fob me off and not even trying to help me find the root cause.  I suspect that mostly they just think I am a bit of a hypochondriac.  

Overwhelmingly I do now believe that I might still live to have a few good years on this earth whereas for a while last year I really GENUINELY believed that my number was up.

And now I am just so grateful for every day that I get to spend with my family, watching my kids grow up.


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